One Last Time
by FeistyDragon
Summary: He loved and cared for me. I threw it all away and begged for his forgiveness, for one last time. I just wanted her to have mercy on my heart.
1. Chapter 1 - One Last Time

**Summary: He loved and cared for me. I threw it all away and begged for his forgiveness, for one last time.**

 **Featured Song: Ariana Grande – One Last Time**

 **WARNING: CHEATING INVOLVED!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own** _ **Twilight,**_ **any of the** _ **Twilight**_ **characters, any paraphrasing of One Last Time,** _ **The Great Gatsby,**_ **or** _ **Gone Girl**_ **. Whew that's a long list. I merely enjoy manipulating everything to see fit in my freaking brain. Enjoy!**

 _The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly._

 _-Nick Carraway_

 **One Last Time**

As his name was called out, we all clapped and hollered for him. I, however, was just clapping and trying not to ball my eyes out. The tears threatening to escape my eyes were formed for the wrong reason though. They weren't there for his accomplishment, but because what I did to him, to _us_ , months ago.

" _What the fuck?" he yelled, finding Jake and me in my bed together, both of us without our shirts on and a mess of tangled limbs. I hadn't thought he'd be around and didn't bother to lock the door since my parents were gone._

 _Everything stopped, I saw his lips moving, but I couldn't hear anything. All I could do was stare at him. My heart skipped a beat and I it was all a nightmare. He pounded on my door frame in anger, probably leaving a sizable dent, but that's what brought me out of my trance. His face was twisted in rage, reddening by the second. Having nothing left to say to me, he turned on his heel to leave me to finish what I'd started._

 _I threw Jake off of me and chased after him, yelling for him to stop. He wasn't listening and continued on. My cries and pleads rang through the house to empty ears. He was in his car by the time I caught up to him, ignoring everything I was throwing at him. I kept pounding on his window until he finally rolled it down just enough so he could hear me._

" _Edward, it's not what it looks like!" I cried out. I felt like I was suffocating, my vision blurring from the impending tears and rush of everything. He wasn't listening to me._

" _Then what is it, Bella? Whatever it is, it looks like you were fucking enjoying it!" The fact that I didn't think of putting a shirt on before chasing after him didn't help my case. My throat was constricting._

" _Please, don't leave," I pleaded, tears streaming down my cheeks. I failed as a girlfriend, but I had to try to keep him. If he weren't in his car, I would have been on my knees for him to stay with him._

" _You made that decision when you decided to fuck him. We're done," he snarled, rolling his window up and putting his car in reverse._

 _I watched his car pull out of the driveway, and the look on his face was forever embedded in my brain. My legs were weak, and I fell to my knees, silently crying for him. I messed up the greatest thing that ever happened to me for a fling with a boy while my man was away at college._

 _I leaned forward and laid my elbows on the ground my below me. I didn't deserve him. I started to pound the hard ground, wanting to go back to winter break when everything was perfect. He eventually came out of the house and ran his hand up and down my back in an attempt to comfort me. It was all wrong though. I didn't want those hands comforting me._

 _I wanted Edward's hands, but I wasn't sure I was ever going to feel them comforting me again. I should've been more careful._

 _I was a liar._

 _I should've fought it._

Edward's parents looked on with pure joy in their eyes as their son walked across the stage. Alice was cheering loudly and jumping up and down. I shouldn't have gone to his graduation. I was there to support Alice for some reason, but ever since his family found out what I'd done, all our relationships had been strained. I not only ruined my relationship with Edward, but I strained my relationship with one of my best friends.

Alice was hesitant on allowing me to join her family for his graduation, but I practically begged her to bring me along. I knew I wasn't going to talk to him, but I wanted to see him again even if it was from afar. The last time I'd seen him was when he was pulling out of my driveway and life.

Since then, Alice had told me he recently began to see a woman who was graduating with him. I had no idea which woman it was, but whoever it was, I knew my heart was going to break. Not only would she be older, she'd be more beautiful and follow Edward in his steps into the real world instead of being stuck at the beginning of her college journey. Edward and I didn't make sense when our respective lives were examined together, but we complimented each other.

The rest of the commencement went smoothly, and when it was all over, we all went down to congratulate him. It was all a blur of students hugging each other, friends, family, and calling out for joy that they made it. When we reached him, he was with who I presumed was his new girlfriend, and she was gorgeous.

Although she looked a bit childish, she pulled it off. Her blonde hair was reflecting off the light, showing how shiny and silky it was. She stood at about the same stature as me, but she was wearing heels. Her pale blue eyes were to die for and her skin was completely flawless. Compared to me, she looked like she truly belonged next to Edward's side. She was all woman while I was all girl. I was put to shame.

Introductions and greetings were quickly taken care of, but when it came to me it was a bit awkward. Edward took the lead, but how he described me killed me on the inside.

"This is Bella, a friend of Alice's." It sounded so simple, but he only saw me as his little sister's friend, not even acknowledging our past relationship.

We all made small talk and got some pictures in. The whole time I couldn't stop from staring at how she clung to his side. She eventually excused herself to find her own family and talk to some of her friends. That's when I saw my chance. I planned on not talking to him, but I was making a change of plans.

Tugging on his robe, he looked down at me with hardened eyes. "Please," I silently begged. His eyes soften the slightly fraction.

I silently guided him to an empty hallway, away from everyone else. Alice gave me a look of 'don't do anything stupid' before we were out of sight. I didn't have a plan, and I had no idea what to say to him.

"Well, Isabella? What was so important you had to drag me away from my own graduation?" Ouch. He played the Isabella card.

"Edward," I whined, "it was all a mistake. Can't you forgive me?" I felt tears incoming and I didn't want them to show how weak I was. The past few months without him felt like a millennium.

"You cheated on me," he hissed. "You think I can forgive you for fucking those _boys_ behind my back? No, I can't. I never expected you to stoop to that level." His voice was filled with disappointment, and I despised myself for making him feel that way about me. The tears were coming in fast.

"I know I cheated on you, and I'll regret it for the rest of my life. It's my fault, and I know I should've fought it. Please, Edward." I took his hand in mine and gave his a squeeze, willing him to forgive me. I felt like I had nothing without him.

His nose twitched, and I believed he was going to say something I wanted to hear. He failed to remove his hand from mine, and that gave me hope. We stared in each other's eyes, and I wanted to get lost in his emerald eyes. I'd always loved how they reflected his emotions and his love for me.

Now though, they were filled with anger and despondency. He wasn't going to forgive me. I was a liar and should've done him better. I failed.

"No," he whispered, his voice cracking, "you can't say things like that, Isabella. You chose this fucking path when you first laid hands on him. Leave me alone. This matter is closed."

He ripped his hand away from mine and turned on his heel to return to everyone. My eyes closed as he once again left me alone and the tears began to fall freely. I leaned against the wall for support and wiped furiously at my tears.

I screwed everything up.

Now he had another woman on his arm.

*One Last Time*

 _Three Weeks Later…_

My own graduation came and went. Edward was in attendance for Alice, but he refused to speak to me alone. The fact that Jake kept hugging me every minute didn't help matters, and Mike Newton, an annoying classmate, was trying to get me to out to a party afterward with him. I craved Edward's attention though, and before everything went downhill, I imagined Edward all over me at my graduation. Unfortunately, it was the complete opposite.

Now I was at the Cullen's house for Alice's graduation party. Alice and I still had a cloud of awkwardness around each other, but it was getting better. We just never mentioned Edward.

I was in their elaborate kitchen with many kids I didn't recognize when I saw Edward pass by and head upstairs. Without thinking, I placed my drink on the counter and quietly ascended the stairs to his room. I had no idea how well Alice and I would keep in touch so I was taking a risk that I was sure was going to end in rejection. I had to try even if I didn't deserve his attention.

Walking up to his door, I peer inside to see him lying on his bed with a book. I stepped inside and lightly knocked on his door. He looked up away from his book and locked eyes with me. There wasn't any yelling or instinctual, aggravated noises so I stepped in closer.

"Hi," I whispered. I was treading the waters.

"Bella." He nodded. Oh thank God he wasn't calling me Isabella.

"I fucked everything up." I knew I did before, but it was becoming much more prominent for me. "I know I don't deserve anything from you, but I…" I had no idea what I wanted to ask from him. I certainly had no right to ask for him back.

"Forgive me temporarily. After that, we'll leave each other alone," I suggested. Once out of my mouth I realized how desperate that sounded and how low I'd stooped. He did too.

He sat up on his bed with an irritated look on his face. "You want me to stoop to your level? Fuck no!"

"Edward," I pleaded. I didn't know what to say, but I wanted to say something in an attempt to get him to forget what I'd done to him.

"No, Bella!" he roared, standing up. "You don't deserve another chance or an alternate ending. You think you deserve a decent ending with me despite your betrayal? You don't."

Tears should've been falling from my eyes, but I was all cried out. Disappointed and sadness washed over me instead. I was defeated.

"I'm sorry for everything, Edward. I don't know what I was thinking. You deserve better," I admitted. Although I believed my last comment, I also wanted to butter him up a bit.

"You wouldn't have done what you did if you truly loved me." I felt tears pricking at my eyes, but I willed them away. He was clearly done with me. I wanted to tell him that I did love him, but I thought better.

I sighed, it was no use. Hoping he'd grant me one last wish at least, I walked closer to him. "Hug for the road?"

I opened my arms up to him, hoping he'd accept it. He hesitated for a moment, but then stepped closer to me and wrapped his arms around me, my head falling immediately to his chest. In that moment, everything was perfect. His cologne overtook my nostrils, but I welcomed it. My eyes closed to their own accord to the feeling of comfort and familiarity of his arms. He placed his chin atop my head and rocked us back and forth slightly, humming softly.

We were both lost in the moment neither one on us wanting to let go. I felt him kiss the top of my head lightly then pull away. I had nothing more to say to him and was just grateful he permitted that moment. With a nod of my head and a slight grimace, I exited his room.

At the bottom of the stairs, I let out a breath. I had to get out of there. I quickly found Alice and we congratulated each other quickly, making promises to hang out soon. Safely seated in my car, tears started leaking again.

I thought I was all cried out, but I was wrong. I had to get over him because it was my entire fault. At least I was being honest with myself and wasn't trying to pretend it was nothing anymore. I shook my head at the past six months and hit my horn by mistake.

Deciding to leave before I made myself look like even more of a fool, I put my truck in drive. At home, my parents were asleep, but on the table was a carefully wrapped gift with a card. Figuring it was a gift that someone dropped off, I tore into it. I gasped at what was inside.

Inside the box was four items. The first two items were books: _The Great Gatsby_ and _Gone Girl_. I'd misplaced my copy of _Gatsby_ a while's back and had meant to replace it. I snorted at _Gone Girl_ because that was a 'fuck you' thrown in my face except the tables were turned. He'd read it, but I never got the chance with the whirlwind second half of senior year. I practically knew what happened in it already, but I still wanted to read it someday.

They were strategically placed on top of one of his hoodies. More specifically, the one he knew I loved to steal and wear despite it being nearly dress length on me. I couldn't believe it was in there. At the bottom of the box was the thing that nearly broke my heart again.

It was a framed hand-drawn picture of my face. It was intricately drawn with my head titled and my hand at the top of my head, mid-pushing my hair out of my face. My mouth was wide open as if I was laughing at something or someone. I never posed for this so I assumed he took a picture of me or did it off of memory. He loved drawing me.

At the bottom left corner of the drawing, was his signature and a date that coincided with winter break. Of course. Although all this was wonderful, I couldn't tell if it was all to throw a final 'fuck you' in my face.

I caught sight of his card in the corner of my eye and opened it faster than a dog when he smelt meat.

 _Bella,_

 _I don't know what to say, and I can't explain why I'm giving you all this. I guess it's a farewell that's not full of rage and anger. When I was packing away this stuff, I realized that perhaps you'd analyze this gesture. I want to tell you that there are no bitter feelings here. This is supposed to be a good ending note. Good luck at college._

 _-Edward_

I had no clue when Edward dropped this off, but it explained why he didn't tell me to get the hell out of his room. He may have been furious with what I'd done, but pushing it aside, he still had a soft spot for me.

I sat down at my kitchen table, staring at what Edward had given me as a sendoff. My head felt heavy so I placed my head in my hands, taking in everything.

I was a liar.

I know I should've fought it.

At least I got my last time with him.

Or as close to it as I was going to get.

*One Last Time*

 _Five Years Later…_

My mother had sent me to do her shopping for her, but I had no idea what the hell she wanted. I hadn't officially moved out of my parents home, but I was just there during breaks and the summer. I couldn't remember what brand of cereal or what type of milk she preferred. How the hell was I supposed to survive the real world when I couldn't do my mother's shopping?

I was staring at the different types of milks with an 'I am so helpless' look when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Looking to my left I was greeted with a man wearing a baseball cap backwards and a thick beard. He was bundled up in a coat and scarf, but had a bit of a smirk on his face.

"I believe your mother buys the two percent," he suggested, pointing at the right cartoon.

"Thank you," I wearily thanked, picking up the milk and placing it in my cart. I had no idea who this man was.

"My apologies." He smiled, taking off his hat. Fucking hell. I'd recognize that hair anywhere.

"Edward, it's nice to see you," I choked out.

Over the years, I hadn't seen Edward much. Alice and I were fine, but now we were just busy with our own respective lives so we didn't see each other as much as we'd like. Edward and I kept our talking to a minimum and just nodded and greeted each other if necessary. We never brought up what occurred at Alice's graduation party.

"Likewise, Bella. Alice said you were in town for your winter break and I was hoping I could talk to you. Could you meet me at my place later?" He flashed a grinned my way at the end.

Wow, that was probably the most he'd said to me in years. I wasn't sure what to gather from that, but what was the harm in it? I wasn't an eighteen year old girl anymore.

"Sure. I just need to finish my mother's shopping," I explained, looking at the list, seeing bread next. Oh boy.

"I'll be waiting." He smiled at me again before replacing his cap on his head and going in the opposite direction, leaving me to finish my mother's shopping.

After an additional, treacherous half an hour of shopping, I went back home unloading the groceries that I tried my best with. I tried calling my mother, but she didn't answer so she was going to have to deal with what I assumed was her regular groceries. Quickly putting all the groceries in their rightful spots, I ran up to my room to freshen up a bit.

I was being ridiculous. Why the fuck was I acting like I was getting ready for a date? I shook my head at myself, deciding to just change shirts and brush my hair. Looking at myself in my mirror, I declared myself acceptable.

The closer I got to Edward's place, the faster my heart rate sped up. I was telling myself this was nothing, but my body had a mind of its own, wishing that this was a completely different situation.

When I arrived at Edward's house on the outskirts of town I just wanted to turn around. However, Edward opened the door to his house and signaled for me to come in. There was no turning back.

Inside, I noticed how modern his house looked. I'd only been to his house once or twice before with Alice over the holidays or something. It was beautiful, and I felt that tug at my heart, thinking what could have been.

 _Get over yourself. It was five years ago!_

He led us to the living room and sat us down on the couch. My eyes were wondering, noticing how organized and clean his place was. It made me wonder if Alice was hiding somewhere or maybe if there was a missus. Dammit. I didn't know anything about Edward, and I didn't know why he'd invite me back to his home.

"How have you been, Bella? College hasn't kicked you in the ass yet I see," he began.

"I've been good. Getting through it. How about you?" I nodded. Edward and I hadn't had a real conversation in years, and I wasn't entirely comfortable with him. I remembered when we used to have those late night phone calls, and I felt a crack in my heart that I wasn't in that position anymore.

"I'm getting around." He got up from his spot on the couch. "Would you like something to drink?" I shook my head, and he returned shortly with two bottles of waters. "Just in case."

"Thank you."

A pause grew between us. Chuckling soon filled the void as he reached up to his hair and ran his fingers through it. As the years passed by, Edward grew more handsome by the day. His silky strands of hair were now longer, gripping length, and it suited him impeccably. Add in the full beard and he was all man. Considering I didn't recognize him in the grocery store, he did a lot of growing up in his twenties.

"Alice told me not to do this," he chuckled, still playing with his hair and looking downwards at his coffee table. "I know I shouldn't want you here, but I have to be honest, Bella." His chuckling ceased, and he looked me straight in the eyes. "I miss you, Belly Marie." Desperation and sorrowfulness saturated his tone.

Surprise overtook me. I couldn't believe he remembered that stupid nickname that I despised so much, but allowed him to call me. It was his term of endearment for me.

"You…remembered," I spoke in disbelief.

"Of course I do," he answered like it was a simple math problem. "I remember a lot of things, Bella."

He rose from his seat and began pacing back and forth. I assumed he was going to continue so I sat quietly waiting for him to continue, dying on the inside for him to get on with it. A box was in the corner of the room, and Edward retrieved it, placing it gently on the coffee table in front of me.

Standing in front of me, he began. "You cheated." We both knew that. He didn't need to shove it in my face. "I was so pissed at you that I never wanted to be in the same room as you. Yet you had the guts to approach me several times, trying to beg me for forgiveness. All I could see was fucking Jake on top of you, touching my girlfriend."

His hands were clenched at his sides even after all these years. If I had been in his situation, I knew I would have had the same reaction if I found him in bed with another woman. It fucking killed me to just see another woman by his side at graduation.

"For a long time I was furious with you. Of all people, I never expected you to cheat on anybody – much less that recipient being me. I convinced myself that you were some dumb high school girl trying to get as many fucks in before college."

"Edward," I interrupted. I did cheat on Edward, but I never fucked Jake. We did other things, but fucking was where I drew the line. I doubted it was going to make a difference, but I was going to tell him at some point.

"No, please let me finish, Bella." He held up his hand to which I gave a slight nod. "It was maybe October or November of your first semester of college when I was finally cooling off about discovering you and Jake. I started to doubt myself, and asked myself 'was I not good enough for her?' since you went and looked for another boy on the side. I tried asking Alice if she knew anything, but she refused to talk about it, explaining that you and she agreed not to talk about what happened.

"I was with Jane, the woman with me at graduation, for a while, but then we broke up on good terms. I tried going out with several women, but you kept creeping into my mind. We were only together about seven months, but you made your mark. I kept reminding myself that you didn't want me, but I unconsciously compared the women I tried to date to you."

I wasn't expecting that to come out of his mouth. Now and then I'd encounter something that'd trigger of memory of Edward and I, but he never impacted my dating life afterwards. I'd had one serious boyfriend through undergrad, and a few stranglers. I just wanted to move on and leave high school Bella and all her mistakes in the past.

He chuckled to himself. "Bella Swan, what are you thinking? How are you feeling? Who are you? What have we done to each other? What will we do?" Why did that sound familiar? It sounded like a quote from somewhere, I just couldn't place it.

"I never fucked Jake. I cheated on you with him, but I am being completely honest, there was no fucking. I felt like shit for months because of what I did. I was confused. I failed as a girlfriend, and I thought you'd be much better off with Jane than me. I still wanted you though if you'd accept me.

"After we talked in your room at Alice's graduation party, I went home to find your farewell gifts. After I saw all of it, I thought you were throwing a final 'fuck you' in my face, but after I read your card, I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I wanted to rewind six months and return to when everything was perfect with you."

"You and me both, Bella." Edward turned the box on the coffee table around. Written on the front of it in black sharpie was 'Bella Memories.' I gulped down. "I may have been pissed to the heavens with you, but I stilled love you deep down. I shoved all this stuff in a box because I didn't want to be reminded of you, how I didn't have you anymore. All that I could express was my anger towards you."

He opened up the box and removed everything from it, placing every item on the table, taking a seat on the couch afterwards. The items included: _The Great Gatsby_ , a photo album, a t-shirt, a chap stick, a thermos, and a Chicago Cubs t-shirt.

"This," he pointed towards _Gatsby_ , "I found wedged between the seats in my car. I figured since I bought you a new copy, you wouldn't need this one. I didn't have the heart to throw it away though."

"These," referring to the t-shirt, chap stick and thermos, "I found scattered in my room over the months, and couldn't bear to give them back to you."

"Why did you give me your hoodie?" I interrupted. It was always a mystery to me.

He sighed. "I knew I'd never looked at it the same if I wore it myself, and I knew I could never let another woman 'borrow' it without it being tainted with the image of you. I figured you'd be happiest with it."

He was fucking pissed at me yet he still put me into consideration. I was beginning to feel like shit again.

"I still have it," I whispered. "I wear it from time to time." Mostly just inside though.

A smile rose on his lips. He picked up the photo album and placed it in my lap. I was afraid to open it, but inside, it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. It was all hand-drawn illustrations of me in the protective films. There had to be about twenty to thirty in there. Drawing was only a hobby for Edward, but he was damn good at it.

"Couldn't bear to burn the illustrations of the dumb high school girl who cheated on you?" I teased. They were in perfect condition with the added protection.

"Of course not," he answered firmly.

I closed the album up and put it back on the table. The only item remaining was the Chicago Cubs t-shirt. It wasn't mine, it was his.

"Why'd you put the Cubs shirt in the box?" I was afraid of the answer because I had a suspicion what the answer was. He was a huge Cubs fan and wouldn't wear it without a plausible reason.

"You gave it to me that Christmas. I didn't want to have to wear it and remember you were the one who gave it to me. It was easier to store it away with everything else. Erase you from every aspect of my life no matter how miniscule."

Silence overtook us again. Edward began to pack up everything in the box again and I silently watched. I wasn't exactly sure where all this was headed, but I decided to face it head on.

"Why did you invite me over, Edward?"

He angled is body more towards mine. His hand reached out, and took mine in his grasp, lightly running his thumb over the back of it. Despite the fact it'd been years since we'd had real contact, his simple gesture was comforting. I loved it when Edward had his hands on me, any part of me.

"I miss you." His eyes were melancholy. "I know it's been years since we've ever hung out or even had an actual conversation, but something in me yearns for you. I failed to erase you from my memory despite being desperate to wash away all traces of you. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that… I want to see if we can repair this. Try again now that we're older."

My eyes must've reflected my absolute astonishment because he chuckled. "I may be playing with fire here, but I need real closure one way or another. Maybe we both were just stupid kids back then, and if that's true, I don't want to waste an opportunity that I could have with an amazing, beautiful woman within in grasp."

My face flushed. Of all the things I imagined him inviting me over, this was the last thing. Everything was backwards. Wasn't I supposed to be the one who was asking for forgiveness and for him to take me back?

One look in his emerald eyes told me different. They told a story of long deliberation within himself. He was taking his own risk in all this. After the whole experience with Edward and Jake, I told myself I'd never cheat again. It was not worth it. I responded the way I knew I would have years ago if he had had one last time with me.

"I promise I'll make it worth it."

And I did.

We worked through our kinks and got to know each other once again. Edward was insecure in the beginning when any male glanced my way longer than was appropriate. I wasn't annoyed with it at all because it was my fault he was jittery. I reassured and comforted him that there was no chance in hell I'd ever strike him or anyone else like that again.

After two years of dating and relearning each other, he proposed with no qualms at all. We'd gotten over our hump and were smooth sailing again. I was forever thankful that he gave me that second chance.

I was no longer a liar.

I finally did the love of my life better.

We no longer needed one last time together.

*One Last Time*

 **Posted: June 23, 2017**

 **Featured Song (once again): Ariana Grande – One Last Time**

 **If Ross and Rachel can make it, Edward and Bella can make it! For now, this is done, but I may do a few outtakes someday, more specifically Edward's perspective and pains. Give me suggestions of what you'd like to see if I ever do get my ass on it. Please have mercy on me!**

 **I dare someone to find all the song and the mentioned book references in here. Some of them are paraphrased so they're not perfect and some of them may be "hidden" in there for possible outtakes. I'll have to do it myself when I'm procrastinating on something.**

 **Anyways, enjoy the rest of your day and I hope to see you guys at some point!**


	2. Chapter 2 - Mercy

**Summary: Out of everyone I held near and dear to my heart, I never expected she'd be the one to betray me. She was persistent in trying to get me to forgive her, but I wasn't having it. All I wanted was for her to have mercy on my heart.**

 **Featured Song: Shawn Mendes – Mercy**

 _Because isn't that the point of every relationship: to be known by someone else, to be understood?_

 _-Amy Dunne_

 **Mercy**

 _Winter Break_

"Stop it, Edward!" she giggled, slapping my hand with the spatula.

Bella was over baking some holiday cookies with my mother and Alice. I'd seen this scene many times before, but now that we were dating, it made my heart flutter that my girlfriend _enjoyed_ time with my mother and sister. To be fair, Bella's been part of the family ever since Alice and Bella were five, but now it's different, she's here as my girlfriend.

To apologize, I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind and began kissing her neck. She momentarily paused stirring the batter to run a hand through my hair as she giggled at my antics. She loved it when I kissed her neck, and it gave me all the more reason to touch her. After all, she was cooking dozens of cookies that I just _had_ to thank her for too.

"Blah, Bella, I love you and my dearest brother, but please keep things PG and wash your hands! Who knows what crawled up in Edward's hair to die," Alice tsked from the kitchen island, but I could hear the teasing in her voice.

Unwillingly, I removed myself from Bella's body, and we turned around to see Alice with a slight grin. Bella shook her head at Alice, but followed her request of washing her hands. The two of them got to chatting while rolling out more cookies onto pans for the oven.

My mother was removing a sheet of cookies from the oven, and I walked over to where she was placing the cookies onto a cooling rack by the oven. My hand reached out to snatch a cookie, but my mother swatted the back of my hand.

"Edward Anthony, these cookies are not for you! These are for my friends, and you will not eat one of them!" my mother scolded.

"But I just want a cookie," I whined. How pathetic was I? I was nearly twenty-three years old and desperate for a cookie. That was the second time I was denied a cookie in less than ten minutes!

"You can have a cookie from one of the last batches. Besides, I'm sure you'll just want one of Bella's cookies. Now, shoo! Let us girls finish these cookies for everyone and then you can gorge yourself in cookies," my mother started to shoo me out of the kitchen, and out of the corner of my eye and saw Bella blow me a kiss in a playful manner. I winked at her. "You are distracting one of my assistants! I will return Bella to you within an hour so go do whatever it is that you do when Bella isn't with you."

I pouted as I was escorted into the living room. The living room still needed decorated, and we were all going to participate in that once my father returned from his shift at the hospital. A grin appeared on my face again thinking about Bella being here to help us then a beep from my phone alerted me to a text.

 _ **Your mother's cookies are to die for *picture message ~B**_

That evil little girlfriend of mine sent me a picture of her biting into one of the cookies. Not only did it make me want a damn cookie even more, but it made me want to march back into that kitchen and tease her.

*Mercy*

Nearly two hours later, the three of them exited the kitchen, and we all gathered up the Christmas decorations from the garage. We placed them in the living room in the meantime because my father was going to be a little later than he expected. My mother went off to take a shower, and Alice was buzzing around the house like a hummingbird.

"Alice may have had a few too many cookies," Bella chuckled as Alice scurried up the stairs to her room. Alice was always hyper, but it seemed like she was ten times worse now.

Bella and I were sitting on the loveseat in the living room to enjoy some peace and quiet. Plus, it meant I got to hold her. She was snuggled into my side with my arm wrapped her body. It'd been much too long since we'd been able to have some proper couple time with me being off at college and her preparing college applications. My plan was to take her to Seattle the next day to do some shopping with her and then take her out to eat.

As we were wrapped up in each other, I suddenly heard the pitter patter of Alice's feet coming down the stairs. Next thing I knew, she stuck a Santa hat on both our heads and threw a sweater on each of our laps. Alice ordered us to put them on. I simply stripped my shirt off in front of Alice and Bella and slipped the sweater over my head. Alice rolled her eyes while Bella was a bit dazed while still staring at me.

"See something you like, baby?" I winked causing her to blush. Alice made a gagging noise in the background then took Bella to her room to change. It was only then I realized there was also a bell on Bella's Santa hat.

I looked down to see what was imprinted on my sweater, and I let out a loud laugh. The main color was green with some Christmas designs on the sleeves, but on the torso part was a gingerbread man with a leg snapped off with the words "oh snap!" beneath it. Seeing that only made me hungry for me cookies so I went to the kitchen and grabbed a handful of cookies then returned to the living room to await Bella's return.

I was mid-biting a cookie when Bella shyly came down the stairs with her arms crossed over her chest and biting her bottom lip. Her sweater was red with some random Christmas designs and a small line of Christmas trees, but I couldn't see whatever was written on it. I raise my eyebrow at her silently, asking her to uncross her arms.

She obeyed my silent request, and it came to light why she was so nervous. Written in big, bold, white letters was "Santa's Favorite Ho." I grinned at her, but she just looked towards the ground.

"Don't you think your parents would think this is inappropriate for me?" she quietly asked, tracing a pattern on the floor with her foot.

I walked over to her, placed my left hand on her hip, and used my right hand to lift her chin up. Without saying a word, I leaned down to kiss her chastely. My right hand wound up in her hand that wasn't encased by the Santa hat. She responded by putting more force into the kiss and wrapping her hands around my neck, standing on her toes to reach me halfway because of our height difference.

I pulled away before we took it too far and our tacky sweaters ended up on the floor. Looking at Bella in the Christmas attire, made me smile without conscious thought. She was just too beautiful for her own good.

"Bella, you look absolutely stunning in that sweater and sexy too. My parents have raised both Alice and I so not much phases them anymore. On the very unlikely chance they do have a problem with the sweater just blame it on Alice."

"I heard that!" Alice shouted from upstairs. Bella and I laughed at her, and Bella's trepidation about the sweater faded away.

I leaned down into Bella's ear and whispered, "Instead of 'Santa's Favorite Ho,' it should say 'Edward's Favorite and Only Ho.'" That made Bella let out a little laugh and a blush cover her cheeks.

A little while later, my father showed up and the big Cullen Christmas decorating began. Christmas music was all through the house and the smell of hot chocolate. Alice continued to buzz around while hanging up some decorations. My mother and father were working on setting up the tree and stockings while Bella and I were working on untangling the lights. No matter what we did, the lights always seemed to be tangled.

Mumbling out a few curses, I finally got one strand of lights untangled. There was maybe another half dozen to get untangled, but I needed a little joy with my girl. My girl was fumbling with her lights. With my assistance, we were able to get that strand untangled. I took the strand from her and threw part of it over the hat so that it laid on her shoulders. I did the same thing to myself then wrapped some of it around our waists and let the remaining fall where it so pleased.

Bella shook her head at my antics, but a smile was on her lips. I leaned down and laid a soft kiss on the top of her head. My hands were on her waist as I pulled her closer, careful to make sure she wouldn't step on any of the dangling lights. Her head came to rest on my chest, and I rested my chin on top of her Santa hat.

Only then did I hear the sound of a camera shutter and I looked over to see Alice and my mother with their iPhones pointed at us. Bella mustn't have heard the camera going off because she just continued to listen to my heartbeat. I raised an eyebrow at them, but couldn't be mad at them. I was going to be asking them for those pictures later.

*Mercy*

 _Mid-March_

I was elated to finally be home. I hadn't been able to return to visit my family in nearly two months, but I'd finally caught a calmer weekend to make the drive back late Friday afternoon. My plan was to spend the rest of Friday with my parents and Alice then surprise Bella on Saturday afternoon to have a romantic, pleasurable night. Alice made sure Bella had no plans for the weekend so I could spend all the time I could with her. It was going to be the perfect weekend.

After a late dinner and late-night talks with the folks and Alice telling me all about her extravagant graduation party, I didn't wake up until nearly ten the following morning. It was a little later than I planned on waking up, but I still had enough time to shower and get ready to whisk Bella away. Bella wasn't too keen on surprises, but I knew she'd be pleased with this one. Almost two months since we'd seen each other in person and it was driving us both nuts. If my plans consisted of just us eating take out from the local diner, I knew Bella would love it, but I wanted to go all out for my girl. She deserved it.

Driving to her place, I couldn't wipe the shit eating grin off my face. I was only going to be in town the next day and a half, but hopefully that would crave my addiction to Bella until graduation. Oh, who was I kidding? It wouldn't. Some of my friends called me "whipped" because Bella and I had only dated about eight months, but I didn't care. That girl stole my heart, and I wasn't ashamed to admit it.

Pulling into her driveway, I saw her rusted old truck that I knew she loved, but I honestly wanted to trash because I was sure it'd die on her at the worst opportunity. Despite my insistence, my stubborn Bella wanted no second opinions on her beloved truck. Rolling my eyes at the memories, I jumped out of my Volvo and quickly entered her house as quietly as possible.

Upon standing at the bottom of her staircase, I swore I could hear something, but just figured it was my imagination. However, as I ascended up the stairs, I knew it wasn't my imagination. It almost sounded like…a bed creaking? Bella wasn't one to stay in bed all day and as far as I knew, she wasn't ill.

My feet took me to Bella's door that was closed, and I just stood there for a minute. That's when I distinctly heard a male _moan_ coming from her room. My heart stopped for a minute, but then reasoned she must've been watching porn. My hand reached out for her door handle and turned it. It all felt like slow motion as I turned that handle and saw what was inside as my mind was pleading with the gods above that my girlfriend was watching porn.

I didn't know that as soon as I opened her door that I'd be in for the worst feeling in the world. The moment I saw that _boy_ on top of my girlfriend, both of them sans shirts with her legs wrapped around his hips mind you, I wanted to grab the fucker by the neck, toss him down the stairs then tear every limb from his body. They didn't even hear my entrance until I yelled.

"What the fuck?" I hissed, clenching my hands at my sides. Only then did they turn their heads and realize they had a single spectator. Her eyes widen, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. I could only imagine what was going on in her head.

"Out of all the people in my life, I can't believe you'd do this! I fucking trusted you and gave you my heart. This is how you repay me?" I was seething and seeing red. If it was possible, my body would've been shooting up in flames. "I thought you were different. I thought you were a mature, beautiful woman that I saw in my future. Are you going to fucking explain yourself, Isabella?"

I was out of the breath by the end of that and hoping I'd wake up at any minute, wishing this was all a horrible dream gone wrong. Despite my presence, the fucker she was with still didn't have the audacity to get off her or cover up, pissing me off more. She was frozen as a statue, in shock of being caught in her infidelity, her hands still on his shoulders and legs wrapped around him. Silence overtook the room for a moment before I had enough.

"You know what? Fuck this! If this fucking _boy_ is what you want, you can have him! I'm done!" I yelled, slamming my hand into her door frame. Pain shot through my hand, but that was only slight compared to what I was currently feeling.

I turned on my heel and furiously made my descent down her stairs and out of her house. She came to her senses at some point because I heard her following behind me as she started spewing her apologies and excuses.

"Edward, let me explain! Stop for just a minute and stay! Please, I need you, Edward! Don't leave like this!" her cries rang through her house, but I wasn't listening to any of them. If I stayed I was going to do something that'd get me in major trouble.

I finally reached my car and put my keys in the ignition. She pounded on my window, willing me to listen to her side of the story, but it was pretty evident on what was going on in her room. She had absolutely no wiggle room. Without even looking at her, my hand reached to put my car in reverse, but ceased at the last moment. Instead, it reached to put down my window just enough that her pleads would be clear for me to listen to.

"Edward, it's not what it looks like!" she cried. I angled my head just slightly in her direction and let my eyes see her with tears trailing down her face. She also didn't bother to put on a shirt. I didn't know if she knew it or not, but just below her bra I saw a hickey. He had marked what was _mine_. My blood began to boil once again.

"Then what is it, Bella? Whatever it is, it looks like you were fucking enjoying it!" I didn't point out the hickey to her, but it didn't matter. She cheated on me. Tears continued to pour down her cheeks, reddening her eyes and staining her porcelain skin, and although somewhere deep inside of me I felt awful that I was part of the reason for them, _she_ was the main reason any of this was happening at this moment.

"Please, don't leave," she croaked. I knew her; she knew the walls were closing in on her and there was no escape.

"You made that decision when you decided to fuck him. We're done," I ended, rolling up my window, putting my car in reverse, and leaving the crime scene.

As I pulled out, I saw the tears increase in her eyes, and the sorrow consuming her entire body. My own face was hardened, filled with disgust that the girl I actually thought would be with me the rest of my life cheated on me. I planned a wonderful weekend for the both of us, but that was never going to see the light of day. Instead on my ride home, I was mumbling curses and cursing that boy to the ninth circle of Hell. I was pissed, but I was also hurt. Little Bella Swan, my sister's best friend, cheated on me.

My tires screeched as I pulled up to my parents' home. Immaturely, I forcefully slammed my poor car's door shut and stomped my inside. My poor mother tried greeting me, but I snarled at her, continuing to stomp to my room. My bedroom door met the same fate as my car door along with me locking it. I needed privacy, and I'd apologize to my mother later.

My heart was racing. My blood was pumping. My eyes targeted my dresser and I kicked it then pulled out all of the drawers. My arms flailed about, sweeping all my miscellaneous items off the top of my dresser. I didn't plan it, but I tipped it over, causing a loud crash to resound across my room. Next was my desk. Everything on top got swept to the ground, and the distinct sound of glass cracking sounded. Among all the papers, pens, and pencils was a framed photo of Bella and I, more specifically the one that Alice took of the two of us while we were decorating. We were wrapped up in Christmas lights in tacky sweaters and Santa hats, but we were so happy in that moment.

"Fuck!" I yelled out, not caring about my mother's future scolding.

Bella Swan the love of my life.

The cause of my rampage.

The girl with no mercy on my heart.

*Mercy*

Over the next few months, I graduated from undergraduate and she graduated from high school. When my graduation rolled around, I was still pissed at her. I couldn't believe she thought I could forgive her for what she did. She didn't even have the guts to break things off. If she didn't want to be with me anymore, fine I could handle that, but she kept stringing me along. If the tables were turned, she'd realize how much of an idiot she was being. But somehow my heart still felt something for her.

Alice had texted me to say that Bella was coming, and if I wasn't okay with it, she would've come up with some excuse to make sure Bella wouldn't come. I just texted her that I didn't care that she was coming and that I had Jane with me. It'd show her that I'd moved on, but honestly, I was still hung up on Bella. Then she convinced me to go talk to her. As much as I didn't want to, I followed her lead because I was still her puppet to do as she pleased.

When she began to ask for my forgiveness, my blood boiled, and I instantly had a flashbulb memory of her and Jake in her room. I heard the venom in my voice and eventually an accent of sorrow filled my voice as I told her off about cheating on me. Instead of having Bella by my side for my graduation, we were away from everyone (sadly, not for some graduation groping), and discussing what went down two months ago. Her eyes were glassy as she was apologizing for everything, and then _it_ happened.

Bella grabbed my hand and squeezed it, willing me to forgive her. I called her 'Isabella' which I knew she hated, and she grabbed my hand, knowing whenever we touched, I wanted to pull her close and never let go. I felt my nose twitch involuntarily, signifying that I was concentrating on something heavily. It didn't occur to me to remove my hand from hers because it still felt right. Despite her cheating on me, I still felt something for her somewhere.

Our eyes were interlocked, and she was partially giving me her puppy dog eyes and apologetic eyes. As much as I wanted to forget everything that happened, I couldn't. The rewinding and fast forwarding of that day kept playing through my head, and I felt my heartbeat increase in anger. Bella always told me she loved my eyes, as I loved hers, and I was sure she knew her answer from them.

"No," I whispered, my voice cracking. I swallowed quickly, gulping up air as if I was suffocating, "you can't say things like that, Isabella. You chose this fucking path when you first laid hands on him. Leave me alone. This matter is closed." Without a second thought, I ripped my hand away from hers and marched off in the opposite direction to return to my family. I didn't bother to looked back because I had to remain strong to resist her.

"Please, tell me I'm not in the middle of another fight," Alice pleaded as I returned to my family.

I pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. "No, it was...as civil as it could be. If I have anything to do with it, I'll be keeping me distance from Bella and whoever the hell she wants to fuck for a very long time."

After the whole Bella encounter, everything else went smooth sailing for graduation. Family, friends, and gifts all around. As great as it was, the attention shifted to Alice, and I was more than glad to give her reign of our parents' attention. It would give me time to think and relax a little.

As the weeks went by, I hung out with some old high school friends who were in town and caught up on some reading. There was also Jane. Jane lived in Seattle so it was difficult to actually go out on a date. Often times we just FaceTimed, talked, and texted as much as we could. It was _nice_. I had nothing against Jane. She was beautiful in her own way and had a good future for herself as she and her twin brother, Alec, would take over their father's highly successful restaurant. Something was just missing though, and I knew I'd have to talk to her about just being friends.

I thought if I gave it time, I'd eventually feel something for her. You know? But several dates turned into a few weeks of dating, and still no significant feelings. It wasn't fair for me to keep dragging her along if I didn't see a future with her. If I did, then I'd be no better than Bella.

It was a day before Alice's graduation, and I was relaxing in my room, reading a book on my bed. I could hear Alice running about going over her plans to go to the salon and whatnot to look perfect for all her photos. My door opened, and there stood my five-foot sister. I was about to ask what she wanted when she started talking.

"'So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past,'" she stated. I knew it was a quote from somewhere, but I couldn't place it right away.

"What?"

"Bella," she answered, taking a seat at the end of my bed. I sat up to listen. "Look, what happened between the two you is fucked up, but I've seen how you look at Jane, Edward. It's nothing compared to how you looked at Bella, but I don't want you to get stuck in the past. I'm sure the both of you imagined tomorrow night going very different between you two, but the chips fell where they did.

"I'm sure you're going to see her a few times tomorrow no matter how hard you avoid her. I believe Bella still feels like shit for what she did, and I think you're still in some sort of limbo regarding her. I just don't want you to backpedal in your progress of getting over her by seeing her tomorrow."

Silence overtook the room when I remembered where the quote she started off with came from. It was one of the last lines of _The Great Gatsby_ which was one of Bella's favorite books. Alice was comparing me to Gatsby in a way of being stuck in the past, and she didn't know it, but she was kind of right.

I hugged Alice and whispered a quiet 'thank you' to her, telling her not to worry about me. It was going to be her night and I wasn't going to ruin it for her or anyone else there.

I tried to resume reading, but my brain couldn't process the plot. It wasn't because it was complicated, but my brain kept directing back to _Gatsby's_ plot. I read it a while ago, but it was Bella who adamantly praised it and reminded me of what happened in it. For whatever reason, I grabbed my car keys and went to the local bookstore.

My feet carried me through the aisles, and I quickly found a copy of _The Great Gatsby_. I was going to leave it at that then another memory popped into my mind. She always said she was going to read it, but never got the chance. Thankfully, the store also had a copy of _Gone Girl_. My rating of _Gone Girl_ was the equivalent of Bella's to _Gatsby_.

I left the bookstore with two books in tow, and an impromptu graduation gift plan for Bella. I rapidly drove home and found a spare box in the garage. I tossed the box and books onto my bed. In my closet, I found the binder with all my hand drawings of Bella in protective films on the small shelf.

Thus, began memory lane again. Sitting at my desk, I began to flip through them. She always told me that I should've drawn as a "trade" to make a little more money, but I just enjoyed drawing when I felt like it. With Bella, I always felt like drawing because everything she did inspired me.

 _She and Alice were sitting on the floor by the Christmas tree like five-year olds just waiting for their presents. Alice made some joke that I couldn't hear, but Bella began to laugh causing some of her hair to fall in front of her face. As she pushed her hair out of her eyes, she glanced my way with a wide-open smile with her head tilted. Her smile was contagious so I smiled back at her from my seat on the couch. I knew instantly that I was going to draw that moment later._

 _A few hours later, Bella was beat so I carried her to my bedroom to take a nap. I tossed a throw blanket over her as she snuggled her face into my pillow with a slight grin on her face. I grabbed my drawing pad and pencils and got to work on the moment from downstairs. Within an hour I was done, and I loved it. Then temptation drew me in and I drew her as she slept. I felt kind of creepy doing that, but she was just too cute to not do it._

 _After that drawing, I placed my materials on my bedside table and laid down on my side to face Bella. While sleeping, her body slowly inched its way over closer to me. I was just barely leaving a few inches between the two of us. My hand traced her delicate cheek, smiling that this wonderful woman was all mine._

That moment was perfect for me, and for some odd reason, I wanted Bella to have the physical proof of that memory. I slipped the photo of her laughing out of its cover and placed it carefully into a spare frame that I found in our spare room. The frame made the drawing all the more beautiful.

I went back into my closet to return the binder to the shelf when something caught my eye. Pulling it from its hanger, I exited the closet and held it out. It was the hoodie she loved to steal while she was over and she was cold. The sleeves, top portion of the shoulders, and hood were a deep gray and the torso was black. It wasn't really that special to me. In fact, it was probably a little snug on me considering it was from senior year of high school, and I gained some muscle since then. Nevertheless, it engulfed her, and she loved it. I never really understood why girls loved to steal their boyfriend's clothes, but I knew that this hoodie was now Bella's.

While I was packing up the stuff, it never occurred to me why exactly I was doing it. If anything, it probably should've been the other way around. Instead, I was giving the girl who cheated on me meaningful gifts. My brain started to function after I packed everything up, and I realized that Bella could take everything that I was giving her as a present the wrong way.

Panicking, I went to my parents' room to find it empty. Hurriedly, I went to root through the drawer in my mom's nightstand that I knew she held cards and whatnot. Thankfully, I found a simple, green card that was empty on the inside, and I found some stray wrapping paper. Returning to my room, I sat at my desk and got to work on a letter to tell Bella the meaning of my gift.

 _Bella,_

 _I don't know what to say, and I can't explain why I'm giving you all this. I guess it's a farewell that's not full of rage and anger. When I was packing away this stuff, I realized that perhaps you'd analyze this gesture. I want to tell you that there are no bitter feelings here. This is supposed to be a good ending note. Good luck at college._

 _-Edward_

There, it was short and to the point. I just needed to figure out when to give it to her.

At their graduation, things were simple. Port Angeles wasn't a very large town, and graduation was done in about an hour and a half. My parents and I applauded Alice as she walked across that stage with a large smile on her face. She shook the hands of two board directors then had a photo with the superintendent just like I did years ago. Now all the Cullens were done with high school.

A few minutes later, we got to the S's, and there was little Bella Swan waiting for her turn. When the announcer, announced her name, she let out a shy smile as she shook hands and had her photograph. A short distance away, I heard the slightly more voluminous cheers of her parents. I glanced their way, and they looked so proud of their only child.

My attention went back to the area where all the students were, and my eyes followed Bella as she hugged and spoke with the guidance counselor briefly. When she was almost back to her seat, she looked up to where all the friends and family were. I don't know if she intentionally meant to do it, but she looked in my direction slightly longer before taking her seat.

Once everything was done with, the students threw their caps into the air and last remarks were said. The students went back to receive their real diplomas before trickling back out to see their family. Alice was bouncing up and down. We all gave her a big hug as she continued on about all her plans for the summer and her graduation party in a few days.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bella talking quietly with her parents. Soon enough, a few boys were hanging onto her going on about how they all did it. My eyes narrowed as I recognized the boy I found her in bed with, and my right hand fisted up, waiting to go over there and punch him right in the nose. He kept hugging her, and Bella wasn't denying the attention though a partial frown was present on her lips.

Her eyes connected with mine, and I saw it. They were filled with dismay and pleading with me to talk to her. I simply shook my head and looked back at my family. It was Alice's night. I wasn't going to ruin it, and I wasn't going to let anyone else ruin it.

*Mercy*

Alice's graduation party was in full swing. This graduation party was just kids, and it was the day after her graduation when some extended family came by to celebrate and give gifts. This graduation party was more like a real party. From my bedroom window, I saw that our yard was filled with cars. Thankfully, I planned ahead and made sure no one would block me in case I would need an escape from all the teenagers. Near the end of the line of cars, I saw that damn red pickup truck, signifying that Bella was somewhere in my house.

Sighing, I turned back to my room to come face to face with what was haunting me. The damn box with the two books, picture, and my hoodie was at the foot of my bed. I'd been flirting with the idea of not even giving it to her because it'd only make for an awkward encounter. A brilliant idea came to me at that moment.

Grabbing my car keys, I grabbed the box, and slipped through the party without seeing Bella. It was a short drive to her house, and I knew this was going to be awkward not only for me, but also one of her parents.

Before I changed my mind, I grabbed the box with the card attacked and approached their front door. I knocked on the door before deciding it was a stupid idea. Renee answered the door.

"Edward, I wasn't expecting you…" she tried to sound welcoming, but also a bit confused.

"Hi, Renee. Umm...I know Bella and I aren't seeing each other anymore, but I wanted to give her a little something before she went off to college." I wasn't sure what Bella had told her parents about us not seeing each other so I just kept it vague.

"That's very nice of you, Edward! Bella's at your house right now though so why didn't you just give it to her before she left?"

"Because of how things are between us, I figured it might be a little awkward to do that, and I didn't want to put Alice in the middle of us again. I just figured dropping it off at her home was alright, and I hope this doesn't look cowardly on my part by not giving it to Bella myself."

Renee gave me a small smile much like Bella's and held her hands out for the box. I surrendered it to her, hoping this wasn't going to backfire in some way. I didn't know what else to say so I gave her a little nod and began to walk back down their small porch.

"Edward," Renee called out.

"Yes?" I turned around.

"You're a good man. Don't tell Charlie this, but he was comforted with your presence in her life. When she told us that you guys broke up, he damn near had a heart attack. I know Charlie gave you a hard time, but he did like you and how you treated Bella."

From that statement, I assumed Bella only told her parents that we were no longer seeing each other, leaving out the fact that she cheated on me. Deciding not to elaborate anymore, I said, "thank you, Renee." I left with a wave and nod, returning to my car and thinking about what Renee said.

When I returned home, I directly went to my room. What I didn't realize was that I had a shadow. Not even five minutes back and laying down, a soft knock resounded through my ears. I didn't have to look up to know who it was.

She began to apologize then spewed out the suggestion that I forget what she did for one night which infuriated me, and I told her so. My last remark to her was cliché, but it was so true.

"You wouldn't have done what you did if you truly loved me." The nail in the coffin. I saw her face drop with disappointment and her shoulders drop.

She had guts of steel though. Slowly she approached me and asked for a hug, her arms open in invitation. I don't know why, but I fulfilled her wish. Her head immediately fell to my chest as I wrapped my arms around her. Everything felt perfect in that moment, but also it was the end. My chin was atop her head, and I swayed us back and forth slightly, humming softly. All too soon I knew that I needed to end it. With a kiss to the top of her head, I released her and took a step back.

She tried smiling at me as she exited, but her lip was wobbling. The eyes I loved so much were full of despair, but she was the one who caused herself all the heartache in herself, me, and everyone else involved with us.

*Mercy*

"Edward, are you listening to anything I'm saying?" she asked, snapping her fingers in front of my face. My eyes directed towards hers. We were sitting in a booth at her father's restaurant having a "date." We'd broken up at the end of June, but we were still on good terms.

"I'm sorry, Jane. I'm just not in it today," I sighed, rubbing my face with my hands. Summer had passed in the blink of an eye, and I was not ready for graduate school. That wasn't what was on my mind though.

"Are you ready to finally talk about Bella?" My eyes snapped to hers, in disbelief that she even knew about Bella. "Yes, I know. Alice told me maybe a month into us dating that you'd broken up with your serious girlfriend of eight months because she was cheating on you." I wanted to be mad at Alice for telling Jane about that, but honestly, it was probably better Jane knew about it.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," I started, but she butted in.

"Don't worry about. I wasn't looking for anything too serious. Besides, we're better off as friends." She smiled. "When we were actually dating, I noticed you didn't seem to be fully into anything you were doing. You were a complete gentleman and wooed me, but your whole heart wasn't in it."

"Bella…" I sighed, not as furious as I was before, but those feelings were still lingering.

"I'm not saying that what Bella did was right because it certainly wasn't. But maybe, it was that realization from both of you that suggests that you two aren't meant to be together," she explained. "Right now, you're at very different points in your life. Just focus on you, not a girl right out of high school who clearly didn't see the consequences of cheating on a great guy who'd clearly give her the world."

It took everything I had to restrain myself from yelling at Jane for that advice. As much as I wanted to get the chance to confront Bella, to get everything off my chest again to relieve me of all my emotional tension involving her, to fucking tell her off, in the pit of my heart, I still loved that girl. I'd love that girl since we were little kids, but the love I had now and developed the past couple of months, was so much more. It was the kind of love my parents had, and I had no words to describe to. Except, Bella tore that love apart the moment she laid hands on that _boy_ , leaving me with my love for her and her torn up shreds in my hands, a remnant of what I meant to her.

I knew when I asked Jane out that I was still hung up on Bella, but Jane was the complete opposite of Bella. Despite being several years older than her, Jane's facial features had a child-like quality to them, but she was beautiful in her own respect. To contrast even more, Jane had crystal blue eyes, blonde hair, and was five-one. All I wanted was to get the imagine of Bella and everything she did, good and bad, out of my mind by going out with Jane.

The problem was that never predicted that going out with Jane was only going to remind me of everything that Bella did. I analyzed every little thing that Jane did and imagined how Bella would do it. Jane and I never got past kisses that didn't last more than a three seconds and very light cuddling. Our couple-like affections towards each other felt forced at times, leaving us both to decide we were better off not dating. That once again reminded me that when Bella and I first began dating, everything felt natural, and it wasn't awkward or forced at all despite our friendship foundation.

"As much as I still hate Bella for what she did, she left her mark. It's been nearly four months, but I still love Bella Swan," I confessed, looking Jane straight in the eye. Hers widen in surprise.

"Edward, she cheated on you! You saw it with your own fucking eyes," she hissed.

"I know, I know," I said, trying to calm Jane down. "That doesn't negate my feelings for her." That was true for any relationship. Just because two people went their separate ways, it didn't mean those feelings and memories magically disappeared. No, I believed they intensified in the beginning of the separate and slowly dispersed with time.

I knew with time my feelings for Bella Swan were going to evaporate, but I'd never be rid of her.

*Mercy*

 _Five Years Later_ …

Five years sounds like a relatively short time in the grand scheme of things, but in reality, five years to each individual is life changing. I'd graduated from graduate school, getting a job in IT in a large firm in Seattle. However, after two years, I missed my hometown and being able to visit my parents. So, I quit my job there and moved back to Port Angeles, buying my own house on the outskirts of town. Besides that, nothing that significant occurred to my life.

Until this moment.

While Port Angeles wasn't a huge town, it wasn't like you saw everyone in town every day. I knew that; I'd lived in this damn town for a majority of my life. That didn't prepare me to see Bella at the local supermarket, examining the milk options.

She was so focused on the milk that she didn't see me. That gave me the freedom to wrap my mind around her. It'd be a while since I last saw her. Even though we broke up on less than ideal terms, we still had to put up with one another a few times a year considering Alice was a mutual connection.

Alice, my dear sister. My dear sister who warned me.

" _Edward, are you nuts?" she shrieked over the phone, causing me to pull it away from my ear momentarily._

" _Aren't you the one who believes in fairy tale romances and all that shit, Alice?"_

" _Fairy tales don't involve either party cheating on the other at any point in the story!" she clarified._

 _I rubbed my face, debating whether it was a smart idea to bring Alice into this. Then again, it wasn't fair to bring her into the middle of things with no warning._

" _We're Cullens. You as well as anybody else who knows us well knows that once any of us set our mind on something, there's little chance of getting us to change our mind."_

 _Alice mumbled incoherently momentarily. "You know I love Bella like the sister I've never had, but what she did to you was unacceptable. Do you really want to cross that bridge with her again?"_

" _Life's not without risks. I need proper closure one way or another."_

Before that conversation, Alice had mentioned that Bella was back in town from college for winter break between semesters. My ears perked up at that tid bit of information. Recently, I had been cleaning out my closet when the sight of a small cardboard box caught my attention causing my heart to speed up. It was the box that contained any possessions of mine that were associated with Bella. When I first moved into my house, I shoved it in the corner of my closet. Out of sight, out of mind. After seeing it again, it triggered all my memories and emotions for Bella.

Thus, prompting me to seek out Bella. While my plan did not involve our "reunion" to be in a grocery store, I was glad to get moving in what I hoped was the right direction.

Five years did Bella a lot of good. She was beautiful all those years ago, but now, her beauty was only enhanced. Despite her winter clothing, her curves only seemed accentuated, tempting me once again to run my hand over them. Her cheeks were lightly flushed whether that being from the coldness or a natural flush or seeing me, and her skin appeared like it was glowing. Her chocolate brown eyes were wide with surprised, but they were still the same ones I loved, the ones I looked into as she realized I caught her in the act of her betrayal.

After inviting her to my house, I exited the supermarket to make sure my house was in pristine condition for Bella to behold. My heart wanted to jump out of my chest, anxiously waiting for her to arrive, but this whole situation was backwards. I was the one who got cheated on. If things made sense in the world, Bella would've been in my shoes, but the world doesn't make sense sometimes.

Bella arrived shortly afterwards. We sat down on the couch, letting an awkward cloud fill the air for a few minute. She didn't even realize it, but she was shaking. It took everything in me to not wrap an arm around her to comfort her. That was the power that Bella Swan held over me.

And I subtly hinted at it, transitioning into the serious part of this visit. "I miss you, Belly Marie," I confessed, looking her dead in the eye, causing her eyes to widen once again and her jaw going slack. It was the pet name I gave her shortly after we began dating. She abhorred it and only ever allowed me to call her it.

"You…remembered," she gasped, her jaw opening and closing in amazement.

"Of course I do. I remember a lot of things, Bella," I explained. I remembered more things regarding her than I needed to especially considering our time together dramatically decreased since that day.

I retrieved the box of memories with her mark on them from the corner of the living room, placing it on the dark wooden coffee table in front of the couch. The title of the box was not revealed to her yet. In a few moments I was going to open the box, and it was going to be the first time since I packed it all away that I was going to see it.

As I began to talk, my fists clenched by my sides, remembering seeing her with another boy. It was years ago, and though the rage I felt had dwindled, it was still burning. Now though, more of the rage was for the boy. I explained to her about my side of the aftermath once we were both immersed in our classes, Jane and I's relationship, confessing that Bella always was at the forefront for other women I tried to date.

Chuckling, I quoted, "Bella Swan, what are you thinking? How are you feeling? Who are you? What have we done to each other? What will we do?" It was _Gone Girl_ , the book I absolutely loved and talked about with Bella. By the unchanging expression on her face, she didn't remember where it was from.

"I never fucked Jake. I cheated on you with him, but I am being completely honest, there was no fucking. I felt like shit for months because of what I did. I was confused. I failed as a girlfriend, and I thought you'd be much better off with Jane than me. I still wanted you though if you'd accept me." There was no way for me to tell if Bella was telling the truth about the fucking part, but she still cheated. I saw it with my own eyes, but every time she tried to win me back, beg for my forgiveness, it broke my heart too because I couldn't at the time.

"After we talked in your room at Alice's graduation party, I went home to find your farewell gifts. After I saw all of it, I thought you were throwing a final 'fuck you' in my face, but after I read your card, I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I wanted to rewind six months and return to when everything was perfect with you." The sadness saturated her voice as she talked, alluding to the fact that she understood her consequences _after_ what she already committed to. She was only eighteen, but by that age, everyone should know that cheating is a shitty thing to do.

"You and me both, Bella," I agreed, turning my box around to reveal 'Bella Memories' on the front of it. Bella visibly gulped, already anticipating what was ahead. "I may have been pissed to the heavens with you, but I still loved you deep down," I confessed, Bella looking ashamed for her actions. "I shoved all this stuff in a box because I didn't want to be reminded of you, how I didn't have you anymore. All that I could express was my anger towards you."

Taking a seat next to her on my couch, we began the road down physical memory lane. The items included: _The Great Gatsby_ , a photo album, a t-shirt, a chap stick, a thermos, and a Chicago Cubs t-shirt. If any of my friends knew I kept possessions of my ex-girlfriend who cheated on me, I knew they'd give me shit, but I didn't have the courage to throw any of it anyway. Not even the chap stick.

A smile broke out on my lips after she claimed she still had my hoodie and she wore it from time to time. Emotionally, I wasn't able to be with her after it went down, but it was nice knowing that a part of me was there to comfort her when I wasn't in the right mind to do so.

When she began browsing through the photo album of all my drawings of her, each drawing I saw made me remember the time and place when I drew each one. My heart began racing again, happy imagines of the two of us together conjured in my mind, hoping we could be that way again with some time.

After everything was packed back up, she asked the all-important question, "why did you invite me over, Edward?"

The moment of truth. My hand took hers, and I began to run my thumb over the back of it, finding my own comfort in feeling her skin against mine once again no matter how miniscule. "I miss you. I know it's been years since we've ever hung out or even had an actual conversation, but something in me yearns for you. I failed to erase you from my memory despite being desperate to wash away all traces of you. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that… I want to see if we can repair this. Try again now that we're older."

She responded with wide eyes and her body cringing back as if I was jumping from a surprise, but I kept her hand firmly in my grasp, reluctant to release my connection with her. "I may be playing with fire here, but I need real closure one way or another. Maybe we both were just stupid kids back then, and if that's true, I don't want to waste an opportunity that I could have with an amazing, beautiful woman within my grasp."

She responded in the way that gave me hope, "I promise I'll make it worth it."

And she did.

I no longer had to ask for mercy on my heart.

*Mercy*

 **Updated: June 20, 2018**

 **Featured Song: Shawn Mendes - Mercy  
**

 **Well, I'm sorry it took almost a year for this installment of EPOV, but I finally did it. I wrote half of it a while ago and just picked up the other half of it a week or two ago.**

 **However, I know there's probably still some lingering questions or other things you'd like to see so I'm going to write a couple more chapters. It's not going to be a full-blown story, but maybe five or six chapters total. So leave a review of what you guys would like to see, and I sincerely hope it doesn't take me another year to write a couple more chapters for you all.**

 **One last thing, I've created a group on Facebook called FeistyDragon Fanfiction. Join that group to talk with each other and possible teasers and brainstorm ideas!**

 **Enjoy the rest of your day/night!**


End file.
